Our society as a whole is very goal-oriented, and when you have a chronic illness like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia you may feel discouraged when you can't accomplish as much as "everyone else" does. Setting goals gives you a way to work toward and measure your accomplishments.

To be effective, goals must be:

1. Measurable. We've all made goals like, "I'll exercise more" or "I'll do more around the house." However, it is impossible to measure "more" so you can't tell if you've met this goal or not.

   On the other hand, you can measure these goals: "I'll walk around the block every day" or "I'll wipe down the kitchen counters on Monday, dust the office on Tuesday,..."

    

2. Attainable/realistic. Set your goals according to what you can accomplish, not what you think you should accomplish or what "other people" do.

   Consider your illness; your goals may change from day to day or week to week as your illness goes into remission or exacerbation.

   It would probably be unrealistic to make a goal of, "I'll do all the laundry every week on Monday." A more realistic goal might be, "I'll do one load of laundry every other day." If you're having a severe exacerbation of your Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia, you might make a goal to just wash a load of clothes one day, and fold and put it away the next day.
    

3. For you! Only you can work toward your goals. Do not make goals like "my husband will lose 20 pounds" or "my daughter will get straight A's on her report card." Your husband and daughter are the only ones who can accomplish those goals! You can make goals for yourself that will ultimately help them, like, "I'll ask my husband to walk with me every evening" or "I'll check my daughter's homework every night."

   How to Set Your Goals

   1. Write them down. When you write down your goals, it makes them become "real" and you in turn become committed to working toward them. You might be motivated by recording goals in a fancy notebook, or you might just want to jot them down on sticky notes and put them on your mirror. Do what works for you!
   2. Document your results. Keep track of your progress. Put a star on your calendar the days you exercise, keep a journal recording the books you've read, or make a list of the new healthier recipes you've tried. Now you have visible evidence that you're accomplishing something!
   3. Make intermediate goals. If you have a big goal, you'll need smaller intermediate goals. A goal stating, "I will clean the whole house, basement to attic, including the closets, by the end of the year" is overwhelming without smaller, intermediate goals. You might make a goal to clean the basement in January, one bedroom a week in February, and one closet a week in March.

   On days when you are able to cope with your Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia, try breaking your daily goals down into manageable steps. For example, instead of preparing a hamburger casserole supper in one session, set the table in the morning, brown hamburger right after noon and refrigerate it until later, and then assemble the casserole after a nap.
    

   1. Evaluate your goals. Evaluate each goal about a month after you make it. At that time you'll have met it (congratulations!) or need to re-evaluate it.

      If you've made a weekly cleaning plan, are you able to get the scheduled tasks done every day? If so, great! Make this schedule a permanent part of your life. But if you find you're too tired by Friday to get that day's jobs done, either take a day off during the week or break your jobs down into smaller chunks. Re-evaluate your new goal in another month or so.

      If you're lucky and your illness wanes and surges predictably, consider making two chore schedules: one for when you're feeling good and one for when you're not able to do as much.
       

   2. Give yourself rewards! (This is the fun part!) Along with the satisfaction of reaching your goals, rewards will motivate you. A great reward is taking a warm bath while reading a new novel. Based on your energy levels, you might choose something that brings you enjoyment, like seeing a movie with a friend, working in your garden, or taking a leisurely walk.

   Don't be intimidated by all of these guidelines and steps to choosing your goals. The process is vital to setting and reaching goals, and easy if you follow the suggested steps. Your days will be more meaningful when you're working toward something. Setting goals gives you something that you, and you alone, can control -- and you'll feel wonderful when you meet your goals!

   Shelly Burke is a happy, at-home mom. She and her husband have two children and many pets. Shelly is the author Home is Where the Mom Is: A Christian Mom's Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home, from which this article is adapted. For more information, or to download a FREE goal sheet and read an excerpt of Home is Where the Mom Is, visit www.homeiswherethemomis.com.

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